Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
