I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Please don't give away my fajitas
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
