hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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