my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You were trust falling into bushes
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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