why didn't you poke me back
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
