I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
