Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
