Can i not drive my cunt home
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
