You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
