last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
