So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
there is glitter all over my balls
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
