Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
