Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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