Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
