I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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