He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
