We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
