I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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