Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
