i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Ketchup is God's man juice
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
