In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
