Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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