how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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