so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
