He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
