I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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