I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
