My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
