Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
