shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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