I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
