Christians are straight up FREAKS
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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