Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
These tits shall not be calmed
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