Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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