I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
ttyl tear gas
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
