Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
