There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
