i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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