i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
