Can i not drive my cunt home
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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