remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
