Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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