Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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