At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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