I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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