Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
