I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
