My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
