Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
