I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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