I can feel you judging me through the phone.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I want to fling myself into the sun
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
