In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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